What has made me so sad about Dolly's passing, is that Janet, her daughter, did not see fit to let me (or Amy) know. Even if Doll had said not to let me know, at least she could have phoned, or sent a note saying that Doll had passed away, but that I should not go to the funeral. When Doll, Fred and I were talking, I did say to them that I would not go to any funerals, but that I would visit a month or so after. That's when everyone seems to forget the bereaved. Doll said that that is what happened after Harry, her first husband, died. I didn't go to Chas's funeral last Wednesday.

I have wondered whether Doll did get my letter last January. This is what I wrote. As she died from lung cancer, was she in hospital for a while? And, if so, why did no-one say? What am I to think of the family? As I have said before - I had a go at Ivor - but, at the time, Doll was just as angry at him as I was. And, Janet knows exactly what Ivor and Karen did, and how it affected me - Karen gave me a heart attack - nearly killed me.

Mischa stole my car, but I told him of Lesley's passing.
Kevin had upset Lesley before going to America,
but I told him of Lesley's passing.
I hate Chloe,
but I told her of Lesley's passing.
Janet, most of all, has hurt me by
not telling me of Dolly's passing.

Janet knows, full well, how close Dolly and I were.
For instance - I had my heart attack in February 1991, and I was very depressed for seven months after. Janet phoned me and asked me to go down from
Scotland to Essex for Dolly's 64th birthday in the October. I did not want to go, as I did not feel well. Janet was insistent, and sent me the train tickets. So, I went down, not feeling too good. They were kind in picking me up at the station. That night I had to sleep on an air mattress on the floor - not comfortable. The next day they dressed me up in a Teddy Bear's outfit and we drove to Doll's. This was claustrophobic. I love Doll, but there was quite a bit of stress in all of it.

Janet told Ivor about Doll's passing - and he was the one who always ridiculed Doll and Fred. But, he ridicules everyone behind their back, and sucks up to them to their face!

I sold my flat in 1995 and moved into sheltered housing. The sale left me with a reasonable sum. Ivor phoned me to ask if I wanted to go to Gunton Hall, Lowestoft for a few days. He was also going to ask Dolly and Fred. I suggested that, as we both had a few bob, we treat Doll and Fred to the holiday. When he passed this on to them, Doll was not pleased, as she thought it made her look a pauper. She borrowed the money from Janet. This caused her to be on edge while we were away. Ivor was not settled either. It transpired that Karen was going to have a party at the family home that Friday, and Joyce was worried at what they might get up to. So, the atmosphere was a bit tense. One night, in the snooker bar, Ivor got a bit drunk, and started on about Janet and Geoff. He described Janet's business as a 'tin pot' labouring firm, and that she married Geoff just to get cheap labour. He described Geoff as a 'sonk' (idiot). Then said that Geoff would not stand up to Janet, as he had no balls. He also said that Janet chucked her first husband, Harry, because he was too intelligent, and she could not boss him about. (I have deleted some personal information that I had here) (Now see here)

All this said by the man who said that I had more mouth than a cow had 'count--ry life style'!

Why am I saying all this? Because I feel hurt. That I, who have never done anything wrong to Dolly, should be treated so, while people who have no good words to say about Dolly, Fred and Doll's family, are made welcome………….. and there's more for later!


When Ivor told me about Janet's "tin pot" business, he also said about how Janet had twice been on the verge of bankruptcy because she had not paid the income tax and VAT. She had to scrounge money from Doll and Fred. He revelled in tearing her down. As an accountant I saw businesses in trouble and having to ask relatives to give a helping hand. I saw no shame in it.

From my point of view, I saw Janet as a 'drama queen', but then we all have our personalities. I am a load mouthed big head - and I'll never change - as that's a small price to pay for not being a hypocrite!

OK, I have an axe to grind! What puzzled me was that Janet often took Doll and Fred out to dinner and spent over £200 ( with £100 on wine?). Sounds good that she treated Doll and Fred. But, they would go home and Doll would be afraid of putting on the gas fire because she would not be able to pay the bill. Dolly and Jimmy were good to Doll and Fred. They each gave them £50/month to help them, and I believe that they paid the phone bill as well.

Doll could be a 'strange' person to deal with. She seemed unable to face adversity. If she was confronted with a problem, she adopted the 'head in sand' strategy. I love her, but it was frustrating trying to understand her. I'll tell a couple of endearing stories later. Although, in time, I would have told some stories about Dolly, I would never have 'dished the dirt' if I had not been treated so about Dolly's passing.

Saturday, 28 June 2003. I have just heard that Fred, Doll's husband, died two months before Dolly. He was eighty this year. No-one told me. I always liked Fred, he was down to earth. Though, I must say that he did not like being 'bossed about' by Dolly! No football on TV, and no TV after 8pm. Only word and card games. "It keeps our brains active", was the reason! Poor sod, just wanted to watch football! I bought him a little electronic game machine, and Doll did not like him using that. Oh well, it's all over now. I expect that when I wrote to Fred and Dolly in January, they were both quite ill. I wonder if they got my letter? Evidently, Dolly died of breast cancer, not lung cancer.
"The Buckets" were at Doll's funeral. Karen is as big an arsehole as ever. At thirty she is not able to get a boy friend. No wonder - when she has vinegar in her veins instead of blood! (Wonder if she's 'gone the other way'?!) They say that 3,500 people die in road accidents in the UK every year. Why is it always the wrong people? (Yes - I do feel that bitter! Though I am nice with it!)